She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
