That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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