worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I lost the right to judge tonight
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
