Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
