you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
