And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
