He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
vagina is talking i cant
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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