she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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