Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
