i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
