It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
