i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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