but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
