dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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