Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
