No, drunk sperm still make babies.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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