Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
