We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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