I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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