the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
