i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
