____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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