I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
