My first STD was from a foam party
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
