dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
