ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
