I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
