i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
