I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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