I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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