So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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