i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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