i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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