I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
