I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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