I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
