i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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