Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
