Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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