I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
