Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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