i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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