did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
