Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Welp...herpes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
