im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
