I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
