I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
