Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
