Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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