Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
