The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
