I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
