My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
