I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
