There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
