I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize
